So what? That's my honest response. To deny emotions is to hold onto them. It is wearying.Weary is defined as exhausted in strength, endurance,TN Requin pas cher, vigor, or freshness; having one's patience, tolerance, or pleasure exhausted. Whew.. They don't evaporate. But first I recall all that I am dealing with, all the duties, all the disintegrated dreams, all the losses of every kind. Only then can I, can we, take a deep breath and continue on in this life we've been given. No I will not have the freedom in the later years of my life that would allow me to travel, etc.No I did not choose this life I am living. life is hard. Life as a parent of a child with special needs is harder. To express them is cathartic and cleansing. It is filled with hardship and that is the truth. No I will not be able to go back to school later and pursue another line of work. Yeah, cry, and get all puffy eyed. Alone. I don't even understand why. No she will not be able to clean her own feeding tubes and syringes. Sometimes it feels like life is living us. Ongoing caregiving of medical needs is hard. I can do this."Sometimes it doesn't feel like we are living life. It is so peaceful.Second, and this is the one I hate the most, I grieve. No I will not ever be an empty nester in the truest sense of the word. Yes she makes me laugh and I enjoy spending time with her more than plenty of other people I could choose to be with.No she will not ever be able to tie her shoes. I have to find a spot where I cannot hear the voices of anyone I know. We are strong, dedicated,Nike Shox France emotional women.Whether anyone else sees it or not, we are heroes. I want to grieve specific losses.Grieving seems wrong somehow: "I should be grateful." "Does this mean I don't love my child?" "Other people have worse situations." Yes they do. Whether it is therapies, assistive devices, g-tubes, trachs, seizures, wheelchairs doesn't matter. We are more than the pedals on a bicycle. Yes I love her like crazy. Yes I have good friends that I adore. Very hard. No she will not ever be safe on her own.How can I not cry about that?Yes I still have lots of fun in my life. No she will not ever be able to multiply numbers. Is it wrong for me to be sad about any of that?No. I am an extrovert, but walking around a pond by myself not even trying to think is amazingly helpful to me. No I will not ever stop worrying about her. We are women (usually). That we are the power source for the lives around us. A scale that measures the magnitude of your grief does not exist.Yes my daughter is delightful. But we are more than batteries. Yes my husband is a wonderful man. I walk around the block, talk to no-one. I'd love to hear what you do....First, I get out. If I cannot get away from the house by myself on a given day, I go out on my deck and hide from everyone. Well now that we've straightened that out (as if we didn't know) what do we do??? Burnout is not an option when it is your own child. I don't think so. No she will not be able to manage her own health care. Only after the catharsis can we help our wonderful brainsNike Ninja France take over and say "I love this child. It is exhausting and lonely. No she will not ever be able to feed herself. This life with its shattered dreams and heavy workload is not anything like what I envisioned. Yes my other kids are fantastic. You gotta be there.I have found two important tools for myself. No she will not be able to have children and raise them. It is hard. Even heroes need time to themselves and a place to let tears flow.Find more from Lynn at PedalingBackwards at http://my1spot.wordpress.com where she shares about raising a daughter with multiple special needs..
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